Yup, I've become an alcohol snob...and an old lady

I hate fruity over the top sweet drinks. I remember once a friend had birthday cake vodka and when I did a shot of it, I wanted throw up. I didn't (I can mostly hold my liquor, thank you very much), but afterwards I wanted something strong, something that tasted, well, like alcohol. I've reached the point in my life when I want alcohol to taste like alcohol, not a mango or an apple or a fucking jolly rancher.

There was a time in my life in which I loved wine coolers. And the first alcoholic beverage I remember (there was apparently a beer when I was five that was supposed to calm me down...instead I was swinging from the shower rod. But I don't remember that) was champagne and Sprite thanks to an obliging grandmother (thanks, Crystal's Momo!). Early in my drinking days, a rum and coke was good. But as I've gotten older, it seems like alcoholic beverages have gotten a bit more ridiculous. Seriously, who wants a drink that tastes like Easter candy? And the worst Easter candy, at that (yes, there are a myriad of peep-flavored alcoholic beverages out there. You have been warned).

To top it all off, my body's response to such drinks has been to punish me mercilessly with the worst hangovers ever. Seriously, one of them lasted two days and the only thing I could keep down was McDonald's chicken mcnuggets. Hell on earth, people, and definitely not worth it.

My response to all this has been to get a little curmudgeony about the whole drinking deal, so much so that I now have the drinking habits of a 60 year old lady. And since its New Year's Eve and the name of the game tonight is alcohol, here are pretty much the only things I'll drink now:

1. Jameson on the rocks. Oh man, do I love Irish whiskey. Even when its cold, its warm and light and wonderful in my belly. And the real beauty? It hardly ever gives me a hangover.

2. Dewer's with soda and a twist. I know, all you single malt snobs are scoffing, but man is this little drink refreshing. You get the dark and smoky of the scotch and the bright citrus of the lemon twist, and oh man. So good.

3. Gin and Tonic. I've gotten to the point where I don't accept well drinks anymore. Some well gin might as well be pine pitch, and that's disgusting. But a gin and tonic, with an ok gin (I like Tanqueray or Bombay Sapphire), and a nice little twist of lime? I'm in.

4. A good Heffeweisen. I love hard alcohol. But if you're eating pizza or at a sports bar, well, beer just tastes better. I love the citrusy light of a good heff, especially since I pretty much only drink it when I'm eating. Its not too filling, but still full of flavor.

5. Good scotch. What does this mean? Oh, anything really. I've just ventured into the world of single-malts and I've found some that I like (Glenlivet, Glenmorangie, a few others that I didn't bother to learn the name of, mea culpa!) and a few that I definitely don't (Laphroiag? Laphrog? It was peaty and awful. And I didn't care for McAllen 12, although I know that's sacrilege). By the time I'm actually 60, I'll have figured it out. 

So there we go. Now, excuse me while I crochet a tea cozy and talk to my cat.