Monday, July 09, 2007
Nostalgia is a bitch
I miss the past. I miss Flagstaff. After a weekend there the proverbial old days seem even farther away. I saw Gen. Everyone else was gone. And then this morning, little nuances of the past kept popping up. Fraser comments on my bolg this morning. I stumble upon Lobe's myspace page. Andy rhapsodizes about his favorite band, just as he used to. Its all just creeping around in my head and I"m not getting a thing done. I should be packing. I'm moving in a week. Not to Portland like Gen, or even to New Zealand like Chris did, but really just down the street. Its not hard. But I'm sitting here listening to "Growing Pains" and all I can think of is Fraser, Karen and I dancing like crazy hippies and drinking beer and Flag Brew. The beer was the same on Friday night, but instead of shoulder to shoulder dancing drunken fools, the place was packed with yuppie families, reveling in how neat the place was. I miss it the way it used to be. I miss the comeraderie of Flag. How it never mattered who was there and who wasn't...you just had a good time with who was around. There were no plans except for "we're going out tonight...want to come?" We never even had to be doing anything. Just sitting around somewhere talking about whatever was the best time. Where did that go? Away, for sure, and I know people wax poetic about stuff like this, but that doesn't seem right. It just doesn't seem like it should be that hard to find that again, but it seems like "what's lost once is lost forever." I guess all there is is to keep looking, keep having a good time, and the stupidly fun (as in so fun its ridiculous) times come back. At least I still have my Lobe cds.
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I've got some good news and I've got some bad news for you.
ReplyDeleteFirst, the bad news. The good old days are gone, and they're gone forever. We'll never all be in flagstaff again. In fact, I can't imagine the circumstances that would lead to me being in Arizona anytime in the foreseeable future. And even if we were there, we're all slightly different in some way. Even though I have no doubt that things would pick up right where they left off, it would never be as awesome as it was then.
But that's what makes college college. We were all lucky to find each other (and let's not forget that I found you), and the sort of chemistry we all had is unlikely to be repeated with some other group of people.
So, yeah. You're unlikely to ever have a group of friends that is so awesome like that again.
But the good news is that you're very likely to find people that make you much happier and, if not happier, then at least more content. True, nothing's going to beat the time we all went to Oak Creek and my camera ended up in the river, or the time we went to Fossil Springs, or the playing badminton in front of the Pryor House, or playing ridiculous poker at The House, or the time Chris chose to go play video games rather than sleep with you, but all those things were the result of a unique set of circumstances--awesome people, boredom, alcohol, freedom--that are never going to be repeated. That was fun the way college was supposed to be fun.
You're not in college anymore and, while that doesn't mean you can't have those kinds of adventures anymore, it does mean you're increasinly unlikely to want them. Personally, I find the idea of spending a week drunk repulsive and, frankly, exhausting. I'm not as young as I used to be, and neither are you.
We're getting to the point where we want different things. While that doesn't mean that what we had in Flagstaff was transitory or unimportant, it does mean that we're going to start wanting different things, even if those things aren't inherently better.
And I have no doubt that those things--like marriage, a family, a successful career--are just around the corner for you.
So don't forget about us by any means. But don't regret that you are where you are, either.
And, by the way, you could try calling someone back when they call you.
Ah, I'm glad to see that Lauren is growing up. Its so sweet. Well, my advice is don't worry; you won't remember those nostalgic feelings for too much longer.
ReplyDeleteI don't think the nostalgia will ever go away. It just hits me now and then. I know things will never quite be the same and that the past is gone forever, but it just feels good sometimes to sit and remember...its the pull back to reality that sucks. And I definitely happy where I am now. Its different, more quiet, but I'm still happy. I know that someday I'll look back at these times and have the same feelings and that's ok. Like I said, at least I have my Lobe cds.
ReplyDeleteLauren,
ReplyDeleteYou are certainly not alone. I have the same feelings now and again. Memories that were sooo good that I just can't let go of and crave to be in once again. If only to go back in time and be with those people, to appreciate it more. If only. Lately, I've been learning to appreciate the now more and learning to let go. Anyways, just some random thoughts inspired by your entry. Thanks for sharing.
By the way, nice blog!
Alison