So I'm going through my normal morning internet
routine this morning: webcomics, the NYTimes, my plethora of emails, facebook,
etc, when I see
this:
http://whatshouldwecallswingdance.tumblr.com/post/55806472244/1-feeling-like-you-cant-say-no
My calm morning reverie is blasted away by a wave of scathing anger at the self-absorption of that post. I will try to be reasonable. I will try to remember that I've been guilty of some of the things that I'm railing against. I will try to remember that this human being, whose ideas I'm gnashing my teeth at, is probably good and great and awesome in many respects. But I make no guarantees. Mom, I will probably use the f-word a lot.
Look, I get it. Sometimes you don't want to
dance with someone. I've been there. We've all been there. Its really fucking
hot. You're really fucking sweaty. You just want to hang out with your friends.
Your potential partner is a creep. Your potential partner is one of those
people who thinks yanking your arm out of its socket is awesome and great.
Nobody should feel like they can't say no to a dance. I get it. I GET IT.
But you know what? ITS STILL FUCKING RUDE.
Especially if you're one of those assholes who turns down a dance with someone
to dance with someone else. That's probably the rudest thing I can think of.
Why? BECAUSE YOU'RE AT A FUCKING DANCE. People are there to dance, and
(shocking!) to dance with you! So how do you think they feel when, after you've
politely told them 'no thanks', they see you swinging your fucking heart out
with someone else? I'm pretty sure that's the definition of rude. That's
like canceling plans with one set of not-as-fun friends and then making plans
with your more-fun friends AT THE SAME PLACE. And that's shitty. How would you
feel if someone did that to you? You'd feel shitty, right?
Look, I'm not saying you have to dance with the
creeper. You can politely turn them down. Same with the arm-buster. But then at
least have the common decency to sit one out. Seriously, people? Are we so
self-absorbed as a society that we don't care if we make other people feel bad,
just as long as we feel good? Is ONE FUCKING DANCE too high a price to pay to
spare someone's feelings? Just politely say no, thanks, and SIT DOWN. Better
yet, strike up a conversation with someone else who is also sitting down, and
make a goddamn new lindy friend.
I'm not saying you have to find your reject
later, either. Maybe they're so wrapped up in their lindy joy that they could
give a fuck whether you find them for a dance later or not. Maybe they'll
forget they even asked you. Maybe they only asked you in the first place
because you were right there, and why the hell not? So you don't have to feel obligated
to ask them again. You don't even have to feel obligated to promise another one
later. Like I said, nobody should feel like every single request for a dance is
a command. Its not and you can say no.
But if you say no, make sure you have a little
compassion for the person you're turning down. If you do have a good reason,
you can share that with them. If you don't, just a polite no, thanks, not this
one is fine. You don't have to dance with anyone you don't
want to. You also don't have to say
"thank you" to the barrista who just made your mocha frappacino, but
isn’t the world a better place when everyone does? When courtesy is the norm
and not the exception? So lets try to keep that in mind.
Oy.
I actually have a lot more to say, but I'm so riled up, none of it is able to surface in any coherent manner. ARRGGGGHHH. Eventually, I'd actually like to discuss this in a respectful, cogent and thoughtful manner, so if you have thoughts, leave them!
